Learning To Care For Our Big Emotions
By Stacey Foster, MA, LAPC
Learning to take care of our emotions can be really difficult. Unless you had parents who were emotional rockstars growing up, you likely heard things like ‘you’re being dramatic’, ‘it’s not that big of a deal’, or the most “helpful” one, ‘just stop acting like that!’. Such interventions only teach us to ignore our emotions. But what could it look like to actually take care of them?
When experiencing big emotions like anger, anxiety, or depression, our thoughts, body sensations, emotions, and nervous system coordinate to create how we interpret and experience the event. We can be inundated with so much information we become overwhelmed, and that’s hard to just stop or shutdown. In such situations, it’s helpful to have a few different strategies for how to respond when the experience becomes too much.
Breathe. Breathing helps to reduce stress, anxiety, anger, and numbing by signaling your nervous system to calm down. Different types of breathing patterns - particularly slow, deep breaths - can influence how your nervous system responds, lessening the intensity of the experience.
Body. Paying attention to your body helps to bring you to the present. When we are activated, there are all types of sensations we may experience. When we slow down and pay attention, we may notice that some are more comfortable to attune to than others. We can use our body to help identify places that are more comfortable to be with, allowing us to focus on something specific in the moment. This focus helps to slow things down, allowing us to find a feel good place or moment, and practice muscle relaxation.
Connection. We borrow each other’s nervous system. When you are in distress, expressing and processing your feelings with someone who is outside of the situation and can remain a calm, peaceful presence will help you to remain more emotionally regulated.
Play. Play that isn’t structured helps us to stop focusing on what‘s wrong and brings us into a space where we can begin to feel in charge & in control. Having fun isn’t just for kids. Letting ourselves have a space with fewer restrictions or rules can be a great way to loosen the tension of overwhelming or bottled-up emotions.
Observe. Thoughts are neutral, but analyzing and judging them can create intense emotions. Instead of chasing the thoughts, create distance and be the observer. It can be amazing to watch what happens when we stop engaging our thoughts or assuming that they are all correct. Instead, question them. Try sitting back and letting them come, adding nothing and taking nothing away. Things can get quieter when we don’t engage them.
God created us as emotional beings and emotion not only provides critical information and powerful motivation, but a richness to life. However, though an inevitable part of life in this fallen world, Big Emotions can be overwhelming and even debilitating. Learning to better manage those Big Emotions is not only important to your well-being, but also a critical facet of of maturing.
