Stace Huff, LPC, CPCS recently presented the following talk to our local Kiwanis Club.
2020 was a really, really hard year. Am I right? We had so much loss. We lost loved ones, opportunities for memories, vacations, events, and professional success. We experienced isolation, division, anger, and fractured and broken relationships. We were all cheering for this year to end. But now 2021? We are not sure yet what it will be, it hasn’t started out so well! We may find ourselves, unsettled, anxious, sad, and fearful. We may want to retreat and sink away from it all.
I am going to challenge you to not do this. I am going to challenge you to find your JOY in 2021! See that which is good and calming and pleasing to you. Keep your self grounded and sane amidst all the unknown and when trouble strikes. Because trouble will strike, it finds us and we must be ready to face it, manage it, and conquer it. This year live! Pursue goodness, peace, your friends, and family in all scenarios and in all the ways possible to you. Do this no matter what!
So how do we do this? What are the steps we take? What keeps us from doing this?
Anxiety Defined
A feeling of worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.
Depression Defined
A mental health disorder characterized by a persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.
Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression
Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" mood
Reduced appetite and/or weight loss, or increased appetite and weight gain
Restlessness, irritability
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
Impaired judgment
Fatigue or loss of energy
Decreased productivity
Morale problems
Lack of cooperation
Safety risks, accidents
Absenteeism
Frequent statements about being tired all the time
Complaints of unexplained aches and pains
Alcohol and/or drug abuse
Sleeping too little or sleeping too much
Dizziness
Tensed muscles
Nausea
Dry mouth
Heart palpitations
Shortness of breath
Tingling, numb, sweaty or cold extremities
Cannot stay calm
Having trouble with sleeping
Uneasiness, fear and random panic attacks
Lack of focus
Self-loathing
Irritability and unexpected outbursts
Drastic weight changes
Loss of appetite
Feelings of hopelessness and/or helplessness
Lost interest in daily activities
Sleep changes
Loss of energy
Reckless behavior
Unexplained aches and pain
The Remedy
Be Intentional: Prioritize your self and your goals. Get a planner, plan your weeks and days. Add the self-care items into your schedule. FYI Self-care is NOT wine and chocolate at night ladies or scotch and cigars in the evening guys! Now nothing may b wrong with that in moderation. But self-care is about truth and honesty with yourself, about doing things that will grow you and center you toward health and contentment.
Do not make excuses! Do the things you said you were going to do. EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO! Even when they are hard
Facing the Giants: In the movie there is a scene where the head coach asks a player to bear crawl carrying another teammate on his back. The coach asks him to give him his very best and crawl to the 20 yard line. He blindfolds him and he pushes him to keep doing his very best as he continues to crawl down the field. When he finally collapses, the coach tells him to look up, he says you are in the end zone!
This is how one must be intentional and push through even when it is hard on some days. Thinks of this scene and tell yourself you deserve your very best.
Perspective: We have to reframe the way we view the things we do each day. A bible study teacher once gave this sermon regarding taking kids to activities. She was frustrated about having to drive her kids places so many times a week. She prayed about this and her frustration. She came up with an alternative view and I love it! Instead of thinking of daily chores or activities has “have toos” think of them as “get toos”. If you are caring for an elderly parent, or running after kids, or doing laundry, think about getting to serve your family or getting extra time with a loved one. Making these sometimes unpleasant or demanding tasks as get toos help you to reframe them in a way that feels like service and helping others rather than a drain on your time and energy. Helping others always gives us a chemical boost and encourages our heart! So make everything a Get too!!
Parts of us: I read the other day of an ancient proverb that I thought described how we should care for ourselves in such an eloquent manner. The proverb states that everyone is a house with four rooms. A physical, a mental, an emotional, and a spiritual room. It says most of us tend to one room most of the time. But unless we go into every room everyday even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.
I love this because it rings so true to me. We need to take care of every part of us every day even if some parts only get a little care on some days and more care on other days. 10 minutes of exercise is better than zero minutes of exercise! Say yes to your self and each room of your house.
The four parts:
Physical: Exercise is a crucial part of self -care. Anything from yoga to a run to weightlifting. Any amount is good. Try to get 3 days of good exercise in and supplement with smaller amounts the other days if need be.
Eating a good and healthy diet is also something that tends to our physical well-being. BUT, I also say give yourself a cheat day. A day to enjoy anything you want! We have to have some joy and something to look forward too. Airing out your physical room does include enjoyment and experiencing the warmth or taste of good food!
Intellectual: We must engage in intellectual endeavors on a daily basis. It gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment. We do this if we work, where we think and problem solve in the work place. Outside of work it can be reading, solving puzzles, or learning a new skill. Have discussions (civil and healthy ones) with others on topics that interest you, Listen to podcasts, anything that will get your mind going!!
Emotional: Our emotional room may be the most important one of them all. We need to ensure that our emotions are seen, heard, and delt with daily. If they are not they grow and overcome us and make us incapable of being our whole self. Emotions are information and we need to listen to what they are telling us.
Getting our emotional needs met is done by first acknowledging what emotions we are feeling. We see them, accept them, and then embrace them. Give your self to permission to have these feelings, let them wash over you. Sit with them and give them their time. They are like a visitor that comes to visit, You allow them in for a time and then when it is time for the visit to end you send them back home until they visit again.
After the visit is over, you move onto the next part of emotional airing out. You put the emotion to the side and choose to manage them and not allow them to manage you. In this phase, you find things that bring you love, laughter, and relief. You make time to spend with people that you love. Engage with them, have lunch or dinner, go for a walk with a friend. Talk on the phone or zoom them! Do this every day even if it is small (see the pattern, small is good for the soul!). Find things you love to do that bring you peace> create something, make a craft, paint a piece of furniture. Engage in gardening and find yourself in flow, where you become emotionally connected to the activity you are doing as you become solely focused on it. Find a new endeavor that allows you to express your emotions in a fun and rewarding way. A good example of this is a local mom here in Marietta was finding herself stressed and anxious during this time. She acknowledged that she loves to cook for others and wanted to share this love with others, She started a video blog where she shares her menus, shopping, and cooking for the week, This has allowed her to feel grounded and move through the difficult in a more balanced and fulfilled manner.
Find what you love and do a little each day!!!
Spiritual: Our spiritual room is deep and in need of renovation each day! Be in the word, in pursuit of your higher power and what gives you a strength beyond the surface of each day. Listen to music, have a daily devotion or reading. Be in communion with your God in a meaningful way each day. Start the morning with this room, so that it sets your tone for the day and allows you to do the others from a strong foundation.
Positive Mind Set: Finally, we need to have a positive outlook. Who is in control of you? The media, social media, friends? No You are! We can and do choose who we are. They say we are what we eat, I say we are what we think! Think that we are doing well, that we are good and kind and loving and we will be! We choose to feel contentment or fear. Do not let fear overcome you. Remember we can be weak while also strong, fearful while also brave. Tell yourselves this. Have a positive mantra each day…I am strong, I am capable. I recently heard of a story about a young woman who was in a car accident and was in bed for 10 years. She discussed how she heard one day God tell her to get up and walk (she said he sounded like Denzel Washington!) From that day she refused to entertain anything negative. No movies, not tv, no music. Just all positive. She is a writer and speaker and can walk today!! This is what we should strive to do. See the best in ourselves, best in others, and find where we can learn and grow even from the difficult.
If we follow these guidelines and strive to air out our rooms and care for ourselves daily we can and we will make 2021 a wonderful year…no matter what!!
