How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb In 6 Easy Steps
I would like to get this anger off of me. I am weary of rehearsing my argument with you in my head. The bitterness and resentment churning within is stealing life and sanity from me. I am tired of replaying the paranoid narrative of what has happened to my world, my country, my city, my neighborhood and my family. My hostile fantasies of revolution and retreat are poisoning my heart, my soul and my mind.
Will you help me lay down my anger?
It’s exhausting me and I don’t want to live this way.
Will you let me help you lay down yours?
It’s needlessly dividing us.
I’m scared by the uncertainty surrounding this virus and by the imminent medical and economic threat. I suspect you are too. I am desperately in need of reliable, unbiased data on this virus, but the opportunity for finding that seems to be long gone. I am scared that some carelessness on my part may harm or even kill someone I don’t know… or someone I do know. I am scared that this quarantine is going to kill the economy and social coherence of our nation before it dampens the effect of the virus.
I am hurting. The loss of health, life and peace is enormous. The death of your friend or father; your retirement and savings; your home; the trip to Disney with the grandkids; the wedding. Gone.
And I am taxed by the quarantine… lonely. There is an ache in my bones; I am acutely aware that I have hugged no one other than my wife - not even my daughter or my parents - in over 6 weeks. At this point, I’m afraid that my first post-quarantine hug will undo me.
I am hurting, frustrated, insecure and on edge.
So, when you post some compelling article or bit of data on my FB news feed or when I come across some pithy meme either expressing or assaulting my personal and political sensibilities, I am primed to fight. I am eager for something to justify all that is boiling inside me… there’s nothing I’d like more than a target for my anger… an enemy to blame and attack. I much prefer the strength of my anger and self-assurance over the vulnerability of my pain, fear and insecurity.
So, I would like to believe that your friend who’s a doctor at the hospital really does know the truth of what’s happening… that the news source you trust really has it right. I really want to know the truth.
But I know you and your biases all too well… they are as restrictive as my own. I know your doctor, your journalist and your politician too. I am well-acquainted with your mind’s capacity for self-deception… and, on a more intimate basis, my own. I know that no matter how hard we - or our people - try, we are picking and choosing what confirms our preconceptions and selectively ignoring what contradicts them.1
So, can we be honest? We don’t really know what’s going on. We are scared and hurting.
Can we lay down our anger? I know it feels better than vulnerability, but it’s doing more damage than good. I think I know the path. Will you let me lead us there… can we lay it down together?
First, Go For a Run; Ask for a Hug. We need to clear our heads and burn off the adrenaline and cortisol coursing through our bodies and minds. The neurological re-configuration associated with the elevated anger and fear is intellectually crippling and physiologically damaging. It’s compromising our immune functioning, as well as whatever sense of well-being is left. More importantly, it is restricting our ability to even consider, no less absorb, new information. Let’s go do something physical to burn it off and trigger those endorphins. Work out on the Wii. Go for a hike or a walk. Have sex. Go for a bike ride. Work up a sweat. Then ask your quarantine buddy for a hug. You weren’t meant to carry this alone. Let them hold you for a full minute. Let the oxytocin and that cascading array of hormones that foster health do their work. We need clear minds.
Second, Be Humble. Let’s acknowledge the moral and intellectual limitations of our minds. If you, like me, are a Christian, then you should be acutely aware of your own moral and cognitive limitations; you should be suspicious of your own judgment and deeply humbled by your human frailty.2 If you are not a Christian, will you consider the extensive psychological research on the mind’s propensity for cognitive distortion and self-deception.1 Know that our emotional, relational, political and intellectual biases dramatically compromise our thinking, conclusions and judgment. The more certain you feel, the more likely you are to be wrong. Let me say that again (because I’m certain of it). The more certain you feel, the more likely you are to be wrong. Remember that this health crisis is a unique circumstance with no clear path or solution. People smarter and better informed than us are struggling to find the best path. Don’t despair of finding the truth, but let’s hold our conclusions and opinions with an appropriate humility and respect for those who are inclined toward differing opinions. Frankly, we need each other to stay honest.
Third, Surrender. This part is particularly uncomfortable for me, but let’s acknowledge the profound limitations of our power, influence and control. While there are actions we can and should take to influence the effect of this health and economic crisis, there are substantial limitations to our influence. We need to come to terms with our limitations. If you are a Christian like me, then we must recognize and yield to the sovereign God whose plan - which includes both blessing and tragedy - is often beyond our understanding. Although we are called to invest all that He has created us to be - our energy, talents and resources - as participants in His story, we are only minor characters; He is the author and the lead.3 If you are not a Christian, then can I ask that you allow this health crisis to acquaint you with your powerlessness over - at the very least - death. Our self-made illusions of strength, security and control are a mirage. Surrender to an existence - even if random - that is bigger and more powerful than your will. Better yet, surrender to a God that is sovereign and loving, even in the face of sickness, death and material ruin.
Fourth, Forgive. Our politicians, our media, our leaders and our friends have knowingly and unwittingly hidden, manipulated and exploited medical and economic information for the sake of their own self-preservation and/or gain. Justice demands that they be held accountable. We own the right to justice: “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”. We deserve to be compensated for the damage that they have done to our medical and financial welfare; at the very least, we deserve to see their hypocrisy and sociopathy exposed… to witness them suffering the loss, ruin and death they have brought to others. But, for the sake of your own health, if not the model of Jesus Christ, will you forgive the debt? In the end, your own guilt and indebtedness is no less significant… the people you’ve harmed no less worthy of justice. This is too big for you. Release it. Perhaps you can leave it at the feet of the God that will some day shine a light on all that is hidden. Then tomorrow morning when you find that your heart has picked up the offense again and is demanding compensation or retribution, release it again. Then, the day after, do it again… and, then, do it again until it becomes real.
Fifth, Take a Breath. Take time to meditate and be mindful each morning. If you’re a Christian you know what I’m talking about. We call it a “Quiet Time”. If you’re not, I’d like to recommend you start with one of the many apps that are out there now which teach meditation from a research-based approach.4 Slow down once a day for at least 15 minutes. Allow your body and mind to relax; focus on your breathing until your mind begins to slow down and clear. Then get grounded in who you are personally and spiritually again. Remember how big God is and how small you are. Be humbled and surrender again. Forgive as needed. Make a list of what you can do for the day. Then take the remaining frustrations, needs and fears and release them.
Sixth, Love and Fight. Is it too much for me to ask you to love me - and my people - enough to fight? Humility, surrender and forgiveness do not equate to resignation and passivity. So, don’t release your anger only to withdraw. We need you to love enough to fight with us and for us. If you agree with me and think like me, I need your support and camaraderie. If you don’t agree with me, I need you to fight with me and help me see that to which I am blind. Please don’t let the confusion and uncertainty defeat you. You may be the whistleblower who calls out the hidden truth… the attorney who helps bring justice… the budding politician who is able to make real change. This community… this country… this world… needs you to love enough to fight with whatever you have. Not to destroy, but to build. If you’re willing to release the anger, could I be so presumptuous as to ask that you love enough to fight for me… and with me?
1 Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me), Tavris & Aronson. “Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? …we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right—a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong.”
2 Rom 1:18-32 Jer 17:9; Prov 14:12
3 Psalm 33
4 Smartphone Apps: Headspace. Calm