It is early in the morning and your body has stolen from you yet again. You just knew this was going to be the month. You were finally pregnant, the battle was over. But once again, you have been denied your dream and as you reach under the sink your anger begins to boil in your soul, the tears come again and you are not sure you will have the strength to get through this day….just like last month.
This battle with your body is taking a toll on you, it is beginning to make you hate yourself and even ashamedly other women who “can breath and get pregnant”. Can you take this anymore? Maybe you should just give up, accept that there will be no baby. You think this thought again and again, you begin to shake, cry, and scream at the reflection in the mirror. Then the overwhelming fear of truly accepting that fact riddles you with an anxiety that seems to flood your very being and you vow to beat this, you will get pregnant. You will stand on your head, only eat organic foods, do yoga, whatever it takes but no matter what there WILL be a baby. The endless research, reading, questioning of others consumes your life.
This war between you and your body is exhausting, emotionally, physically, and socially. It is one that cannot be won without the Holy Spirit living in you and guiding you. God’s plan is bigger than yours but speaking from experience, it is hard to remember that every time you see a pregnant woman or a new baby. You must focus on the task at hand, give over your desire, needs, wants and plan of attack to God. It will in the end make your relationship with Him, your self, and others stronger, healthier, and more connected. The new found closeness will help you as you fight other battles in the Baby Wars. The battles between you and your spouse, your friends, and your God, but you must remember these are just battles in the war that will be won. You will overcome and live a full, happy life and with God’s will and grace one full of a little one’s laughter.